Zombie Apocalypse: Training Log - Entry #1

Pending the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse, otherwise know as Z-Day, physical training and preparation is going to be crucial to survival. One must possess a certain skill set if they are to have any chance of surviving the impending outbreak. Before you even think about saying it, NO! You, in your current obese, sloppy, sweaty, cheetos eating, sugary drink consuming, World of Warcraft playing waste of human flesh state have absolutely ZERO chance of making it! I’m not too worried about you though, because you’re going to be the same worthless waste of zombie decomposing-flesh anyway. I’ll be able to outrun you in your pathetic zombie form, all while carrying the necessary zombie killing gear and your MILF of a mom over my shoulder. Any chance of you ever making it through Z-Day without being turned is going to take some serious man effort! You think you’re ready sugar tits?!

Before we start our Zombie Apocalypse training, we must first know and be able to identify what an actual zombie looks like.

How to identify a Zombie

First, let's list what we know about zombies:

1. They are freakishly slow.

2. They are ravenous and spread disease.

3. They have retard strength.

4. They can dance, this is very apparent in Michael Jackson’s 1983 Thriller music video.

Now that we have analyzed what we currently know to be the zombie's abilities, we can start to form a conclusion of necessary skills to combat the inevitable attack. I will be posting several training tips that will be necessary to your survival. Make sure to check back soon, none will be more important than the first entry.