Here is a hot training tip for you cube monkeys out there, Operation Sucker Punch. It’s a simple training plan for you and your office survival team, you don’t need any tools or weights, just your fists, elbows and possibly if your talented enough your feet. The rules are simple, punch your team members anyplace in the trunk (Chest, stomach, back, arms) as often as you want and with little to no warning. Because you’re in the office you want to at least make the attempt to be subtle because all the HR buzz kills will put the kibosh on it like they do everything fun. You can also decide on a pre-set punch strength, say like 30% power to start out with, if you’re scared.
You may ask “how does being sucker punched help me prepare for a zombie attack?” if you have to ask you’re an idiot, but then again you do work in a cubical so we have to start someplace. So far I’ve found three benefits to being punched.
#1 How often do you get smacked around right now? I’ll answer for you, never. Being punched is man game; you don’t think your going to get bruised up battling zombies and the other survivors who are trying to take your food? Why try to learn how to deal with pain at that point? Train your body now to take a beating and then when it counts you’ll be ready to rock n roll.
#2 In the zombie apocalypse you have to keep your head on a swivel, you will never know when zombies could attack. As operation sucker punch continues in your office your going to find that your ever vigilant watching for the next guy to punch your ass right out. We call this “situational awareness” something most of the cattle you work with have no concept of.
#3 You don’t think your going to have to punch someone or some thing in the apocalypse? Unfortunately if you’re like the pansies I work with you haven’t thrown a punch sense grade school. When you, you do start punching your team you’re going to find your firsts, wrists and arms need strength to make your blows count, with Operation Sucker Punch you’re now developing these vastly underused muscle groups.
No go forth and beat the hell out of your survival team.
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