Why we suck.

Zombies will turn out to be the scourge of our generation. I know it seems a little farfetched, but mark my words….It’s gonna’ happen, and when it does you will be happy you were/ are prepared.

Let me start at the beginning…

I work in a cubicle. It’s a sad existence. My forefathers, if they were somehow reanimated and not of the somnambulist sort, would firmly bitch slap me hard enough to loosen a couple teeth and cause momentary blindness for what I, and consequently our entire generation, has become. Let’s face it; left to our own devices, we suck. We are soft and pudgy and stagnant. We are sports fans and couch potatoes and an all together listless lot. We have nothing to chase, we have no reason for exertion, and we have no motivation for heroics. We are primed for our own destruction. We are, effectively, perfectly little shrink wrapped meat sacks, hobbling around staring at our cell phones, waiting our turn in the evolutionary lunch line to be placed on a tray and handed to another species as an afternoon snack.

Take it in, it’s gonna’ hurt. The truth always does. Look down. Do you see fat? I’ll bet you do. You may even be in your very own cubicle right now, and God forbid if you are reading this off of your smart phone. That very same God will be shaking his head and tisking as you march through his gates after your pathetic and sorry existence has been cut short by being devoured one bite at a time by zombies.

I refuse to be that guy. I see the sallow look of the people around me, wandering through the cubes with that thousand yard stare. Pale skin, sunken eyes, mouth half open. Moaning something incomprehensible about no cream for the coffee, or the location of their lost stapler. It’s just a matter of time before they become the walking dead, and the rest of us become their happy meals. Not me though, I’m reclaiming my manhood.

I’m preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse, and so are a small but stalwart group of believers. Hopefully, so are you. This Blog is the chronicle of men who are reclaiming their manhood and doing it by preparing to kill zombies.

This blog may save your life.

Have you given any thought....

Have you given any thought to how vulnerable we are in the modern office? The majority of your day is spent sitting on your ass, eating sugar, surrounded by overweight panicky mammals who will trample you just to get to the team pot luck first, let alone to get away from a crowd of zombies. Add on top of this your limited visibility in your cube. If your company is cheap, like mine, then you’re lucky enough to have half a cube with waste high walls. That’s the up shot. The reality is that I spend most of my time slumped over trying not to be seen by mangers, directors, or HR personell. So, in reality, while my environment my be slightly better then others to survive day to day, I have to limit my own visibility. I guess that can be a good thing though, as my ability to blend in, which has taken years to perfect, could help me hide from a zombie. Conversely though, the rat bastards I work with will probably try to tell the zombies where I am in a vain attempt to save themselves. Good luck with that chubs.


One of the many other draw backs to survival at work is that I’m miles away from my guns and other zombie slaying implements. For me, it’s about 10 miles of urban sprawl before I can get to food, shelter, and protection, and this is the short list of your troubles in the office survival setting. So the reality is that while planning for the apocalypse at home (which is important), you have to have plans to survive work and get home. Thankfully there is a lot of carry over to office survival skills from home survival skills so in this blog there should be a large amount of carry over. So to avoid being eaten by that douche who just wont shut up the row over, or being suckered into helping the people who laughed at you when you warned them about the impending apocalypse its time for you to get your ass in gear, get a plan, get some muscle, and grow some balls because your going to need them.


One more thing. Go F-yourself if you think to correct my spelling, writing or anything not related to the apocalypse. It’s not my fault I majored in something useful in college and not English. Take your guilt over to some other sissy blog where they care about that kind of crap.